What Men Think, and Don’t Want You to Know About

I’m going to tell you girls about something you probably suspect but shy away from believing. Every man you’ve ever made friends with has wondered about what it would be like to have sex with you.

This is true. Ask any man. Some may probably deny it, but most would give you a mischievous, or perhaps an embarrassed smirk.

They say women and men simply cannot have platonic relationships. This theory is utter bilge. Plenty of women and men are capable of having rich, fulfilling, nonphysical relationships sans an iota of sexual tension, or “pent up passion”. The notion that you can only be friends with someone you are incapable of having sexual relations with – owing to some circumstantial or, to put it mildly, physical constraint – is also misconceived. Again, attractive individuals unconstrained by physical marring can be the best of friends while still preferring, quite out of their own volition, not to hop in the sack.

So what is really going on in the male psyche? Here is the unadulterated truth: When a gentleman meets a lady for the first time, a judgment call is made. Be it a random rendezvous at a supermarket, a semi-flirtatious exchange at a night club or a simple introduction by a mutual friend, the man on each occasion will ask himself the question: “Will I sleep with this girl?” This encapsulates both the ‘possibility’ of sexual relations as well as the ‘desire’ to engage in such. Either way, this is not a deeply philosophical issue. It is simply an analysis of all circumstantial, physical and emotional factors to arbiter this fundamental question.

This is where it gets interesting. Once this fundamental question is considered, men will categorize women into one of three categories:

  1. Women they will never have sex with…unless under the influence of some powerful aphrodisiac coupled with complete intoxication…which still amounts to ‘never’.
  2. Women they may have sex with given the right opportunity and the display of reciprocity.
  3. Women they want to have sex with.

The basic instincts of men are nullified in the first instance, suspended in the second and put into its relentless application in the third.

So from the perspective of females, it should be borne in mind that each of your male friends puts you into one of these categories and therefore himself falls into the corresponding category. You have many male friends that are sincere in their friendship because they have concluded that they will never sleep with you; you also have some male friends that still see you in a sexual light but choose to ignore their instinct in an attempt to display sincerity; and of course you have a few male friends that deliberately pretend to be sincere while in reality they constantly entertain thoughts of bedding you.

There is no sociological secret in the relationships that unfold between men and women. It is essentially founded upon prime instinct neatly layered with liberal notions of decency.

My conclusion: girlfriends beware of what your boyfriends are already aware of.

Thank you for reading.

shr0049l

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~ by Archangel on May 31, 2009.

34 Responses to “What Men Think, and Don’t Want You to Know About”

  1. He He 🙂
    Thanks for the comment on my blog.
    Yes Dude. Yes…. Two lovely daughters. Amani & Sabrina. Aged 5 & 3…. Why ?????

  2. How about you best friend’s gf? I don’t think of having sex with her too.

  3. Lol! Though I know most guys think it when they initially meet a girl, the fact that so many still think that they will or think that it will inevitably happen – this worries me slightly! 🙂

  4. Nice post 🙂
    I have quite a few platonic relationships with guys who’ve ended up falling for me and sone who haven’t, and one with my best friend who hasn’t fallen for me but shows signs of falling. Your post kind of addressed the situation with regards to that for me. SO thank you 🙂

  5. Just Chillin, would you consider going out with your best friend? I have heard that you shoudl first be best friends before getting into a relationship. You two will understand each otther better and make a great couple.

  6. Now that you broke the secret out, boys beware that your girlfriends are aware of what you though they are unaware of.

  7. Who the fuck is this?? I’m the real NB. This is insane. It is prbably one of you lowlifes that is trying to discredit me.

  8. Thanks for the comment on my review. I’ve come to the blogosphere late, but I hope to stay.

    I’m in broad agreement with your post, although I think you’ve rather overlooked the homosexuals 🙂

  9. That is a keen observation indeed! I am frightfully sorry for remaining ambiguous on the subject, Loki. I, of course, mean heterosexual males. As far as women need to worry…the Gays are simply lovely. But I suspect the same rules will apply to a homosexual man in terms of his male friends. Be they gay or otherwise.

    TYFR

  10. I think women can make the same judgment call. Not in a sexual way but as regards to weather they see themselves going out with a certain guy. If yes, we will flirt. If may be we will flirt in a less obvious way. And if NO, then they fall in the friends league. No Its the identical thing but without necessarily sexual element to it.

  11. in total agreement with ashani….most women do make the same initial first judgement….although….whilst less prone to making purely sexual calls….in the instance where an object of ‘eye candy’ is concerned I think its safe to say that even the slightest sexual notion enters a womans thoughts…

    if this is true for this category of our species….is it any wonder then that women often have trust issues? and is this why men become oh so ‘cave man’ protective around their partners in the presence of other men?
    😉

  12. ahem…just to make clear….i do not mean the baseless drama that some women often tend to cause….i mean the trust issues based on…as this article depicts…jollygood reason…;)

  13. For a man, there is no such thing as a ‘Platonic friend’, only women you haven’t fucked yet..

    The above is hardlyoriginal, but it’s still true

  14. so if i say that half of my closest friends are of the male gender… does that mean i should be worried or that maybe some of them are gay?

    i tend to disagree with you style….

  15. You have so many male friends because you want to keep your options open or you get alnog with guys better…?

    style, dont be so foolish. not all guys are as chauvinist as you are. you probably dont have many female friends.

  16. haha….i wouldn’t say better but i definitly get along with that sector of our species quite well…although i do find them intiguingly silly…..if that made sense…

  17. @Ashani, you dont have any clue. All guys want to do is sleep with you girls. They are the scum of the earth.

    @ a girl. you are so naive. Guys want to get into your pants. all of them. Ask them if they will sleep with you with no strings attached and everyone will say yes. So stupid. Stick to having girls as friends.

  18. Just because a person wants to do something, does not mean they will. I would love to steal a million dollars from a bank, however, even presuming they leave the doors unlocked, I wont. A desire to do something doesn’t equal to committing the crime. As archangel knows, there is quite a difference between the “mens rea” and the “actus reus”.

    Isn’t it therefore unfair to judge all men as evil? Sure we want to sleep with you. But we wont. Even if this “no strings attached” offer was made.

  19. My dear Riddler, regurgitating Latin phrases relating to criminal law isn’t evidence of a valid point. However, by sheer coincidence you are in fact making a valid point. Men of your calibre may not engage their female friends even in the event that an opportunity presents itself on a celestial platter. But I presume that is because you are a good bugger and you have already categorized most of your female friends as untouchables. Honorable in deed. But this post is about you making this judgment call at the outset. Your want to. Yet, out of the sheer goodness of your heart you won’t.

    The bank analogy is not entirely relevant here because you are assuming that sleeping with your friend is criminal or immoral. No, it isn’t. Men are not to be considered “evil” because they want to sleep with you. There are just men.

    TYFR

  20. So if I assume correctly, you’re actually agreeing with me, insulting me, then calling me a good bugger, and finally disagreeing with me?

    My dear Archangel, the reason I used the bank analogy in order to criminalize the said act was simply to align myself to reply to the criticism leveled in the previous post. There is no justifiable means in which I would ever agree that wanting to sleep with your friend is ever evil or immoral. I’ll agree with you on that point.

    However let me reiterate that the very act of sleeping with your friend is not what I’m getting at. The action I’m referring to is the actual ATTEMPT of trying to bed your female (or male for the PC readers) companions.

    A personal question Archangel, if you were offered the no strings attached offer by one of your myriad attractive female friends, would you oblige?

    PS. I apologize for the Latin. In retrospect I realize that appeared a tad pedantic. However I must say there is no justification for such discourtesy. Is someone having a bad day?

  21. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur?

  22. Disco Bob, rem acu tetigisti!

  23. You seem to have missed the point of this post. My apologies for my inability to cater to the entire gamut of readers. The initial judgment call places one’s female friends into some category or the other. Once this categorization is done, and if the female friend is listed in the first category, you will obviously not prey upon her. Unless you’re a fiend, which I assume you’re not. It is only if the female falls into either of the latter categories that the no strings attached question even arises. And most often -and this is the implicit point I have made in the post- the male will opt to sleep with his female friend. So if I were a lesbian, and if I had categorized my female friend into the “may be” category, and if I am offered sex with no strings attached, I suppose I would take up the offer.

    The distinction that you have failed to address is the initial categorization. Your hypothesis applies only to the “may be” and “YES YES YES” categories and not to the all important “never” category.

    And here’s some random Latin for you…Nunc Pro Tunc!

    TYFR

  24. Cave quid dicis, quando, et cui, you bad, bad girl.

  25. What?? I’m confused. You cant be a lesbian???

  26. Another post that proves ‘SEX is a kottu reader magnet’ 😛

    Any tips on ‘being a real pussy magnet’? 😉

  27. Offtopic: you were hating wordpress at a time if my memory is good. Am I right?

  28. Chanux, yes I disliked wordpress because I couldn’t do the same sort of editing I could on blogger. But I have chosen aesthetics over utility and returned.

    I have no idea how to help you, my friend. I suggest you consult a guy that is a “pussy magnet”…

    TYFR

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    Lisa

  30. @Lisa
    Well you don’t have what I want 😛

  31. I’ve tried out every diet under the sun but nothing worked as well as acai berry. I know they say that pills don’t work, nevertheless
    they sure worked for me, and they’ve been shown on CNN too. There’s a free trial on right now at
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  32. Ummmm? What in the hell is wrong with this person? You call men evil but yet you write this tripe and pass it out as fact. No way would I consider looking at another male, but you appear to be sexually confused I feel sorry for you. Where did you get your P.H.D.? My conclusion beware this feminist left wing nut.

  33. good one.

  34. Naice. Reading your last line woke me up.

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